what the hell even
Oct. 26th, 2025 08:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
waxingcrescentso for the past few days i've been super hung up on...?? i'm not even sure what?? it's like my mind is racing in circles like it did back in the relationship but i'm not quite sure what exactly it is that is still bothering me...
things that have been coming up for me are like, why did it feel like jon didn't really like me as a person when he was so insistent that he did, and why none of his reassurances ever seemed to work? using the whole love languages thing, i think words of affirmation and quality time must be really important to me so when i felt like his words felt like bullshit (e.g. if he thinks i'm smart why did xyz happen or why would he think i'm low maintenance if i do all these things that he says high maintenance women do or blah blah blah) we would both get frustrated, because he felt like i was rejecting him and his love, and because i'm like, this doesn't make any sense to me at all. and when we'd go out, i could read his discomfort, which made me feel?? rejected i guess??? like going on dates didn't feel like a bonding activity, it felt like one or both of us were both super uncomfortable...
ANYWAY wish my brain could just move forward instead of spinning around like this. i'm not sure what i need to stop feeling like i'm an evil ungrateful witch who is incapable of love or forgiveness blegh
things that have been coming up for me are like, why did it feel like jon didn't really like me as a person when he was so insistent that he did, and why none of his reassurances ever seemed to work? using the whole love languages thing, i think words of affirmation and quality time must be really important to me so when i felt like his words felt like bullshit (e.g. if he thinks i'm smart why did xyz happen or why would he think i'm low maintenance if i do all these things that he says high maintenance women do or blah blah blah) we would both get frustrated, because he felt like i was rejecting him and his love, and because i'm like, this doesn't make any sense to me at all. and when we'd go out, i could read his discomfort, which made me feel?? rejected i guess??? like going on dates didn't feel like a bonding activity, it felt like one or both of us were both super uncomfortable...
ANYWAY wish my brain could just move forward instead of spinning around like this. i'm not sure what i need to stop feeling like i'm an evil ungrateful witch who is incapable of love or forgiveness blegh
